"Today my slightly dopey Drivers ed teacher spilled banana on his shirt...I'm still wondering how one spills bananas.MLIA."
"Today I read on MLIA about someone saying how Mr.Krabs lives in Bikini Bottom. In response I'd like to point out that Sandy Cheeks is in Bikini Bottom....think about it. MLIA"
"Today, me and my friends somehow got talking about what we want our last words to be. I said I wanted mine to be "Avada Kadavra". When I told my mom about this, she replied with: "Why would you want your last words to be 'avocados'?". MLIA."
"In the girl's bathrooms at my school, they have a handicap button to open the door. Each time I leave a bathroom I check that there's no one around and then dramatically ninja-kick the button. I'm longing for the time that someone catches me. MLIA"
"Today my brother found a tampon in my parents room. He put it up his nose. He is 17. MLIA"
"Today, I woke up chewing gum. My mouth was empty when I went to bed. MLIA "
"Today, I realized that somebody, somewhere in the world, works in a glitter factory. MLIA"
"Today, my friend asked me, "If someone is born deaf, what language do they think in?". I'm still thinking about it. MLIA."
"A few months ago, I was at my friends birthday party at a buffet. After he blew out the candles, I noticed some of the younger kids playing with a lighter. At my Taekwondo school, they evaluated our punching strength by seeing if we could blow out a candle with wind generated from our punches. Remembering my training, I punched the air directly in front of the lighter, and the flame went out, with the kid still holding the switch. I casually said, "Don't play with fire, kids." The looks of awe I got were priceless. MLIA."
"Today I said to my boyfriend, "Now remember, my mother is very old, so speak nice and slow and very loud." Then I said to my perfectly capable mother, "By the way, my boyfriend is slightly retarded." What fun that was... MLIA."
"I am typing this with one hand. Why? My one hand is stuck in a Pringles box. This is not the first time this happened. MLIA"
"A fortnight ago, nothing happened. I just really want to use the word fortnight. MLIA."
"Today, During my vacation (in India) i was chased by a goat. After successfully running away and returning safely back to my grandparent's house, I went upstairs where I found a monkey sitting on the balcony ledge. I screamed, the monkey screamed, and both of us ran away.MLIA."
"Today, I was drinking a milkshake. When I was halfway done with my milkshake, I looked out the window to see that my older brother and five of his friends were in our front yard. I'm now determined that my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. MLIA."
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